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09 May 2035 @ 03:53 pm
04 August 2014 @ 12:34 am
Failure. A word I think most people familiarly ponder to themselves when considering their life path. Am I a failure as a friend,parent, student, sibling, etcetera. I've been pondering that word a lot. See recently I was faced with a dilemma that no individual ever wants to face. REJECTION. How does one handle that beast?

If you are like me, you blame yourself. You come up with the all the ways you are not perfect. How if you were skinniner more men would like you? Or if you were smarter you could attract more people. I recently came up with the realization that most people don't like me because I'm not myself. I look at the books on my bookshelf and most are from college, but which books represent me as a person. What music represents music I didn't find from fandom? Who am I?

It really sucks I'm having an identity crisis so late in the game at 25. But when you're engaged for a third of your life, you become a part of an entity that you don't really focus on the I. It's time I start. Also,I really need to get my butt into gear with working out. Still the same weight. (I love Sushi too much).

Signing off from the temples of loneliness and doom,

27 August 2013 @ 09:59 pm
I'm officially a San Jose resident. I don't know how I feel about this change. I feel really motivated lately to change my life to the fullest. I'm going to be a better student, a better person, and a more active individual. I'm disappointed with my weight right now. Yeah I've lost 10 pant sizes, but I've yoyo dieted the whole year. Last Sept, I was at 219. Now I'm at 190. In one year, that is not a whole lot of accomplishment. I wanted to be at my goal weight by now. I can do this. It will be a struggle, but I need to keep myself motivated. Yesterday, I worked out for a half hour, tomorrow, I will do the same. Today I was back and forth between Fresno and San Jose. I want to be a size 10 by the end of this year. I will do it. I gained 10 pounds in this month alone due to inactivity and bad eating, plus the stress of moving and working 12 hour shifts. I need to get my stuff together. It's important. 
I went to Michaels, a few days after I originally planned. Don't judge me, I'm shocked I managed to lose weight with how lazy I am on most days. I got scrap booking materials and started working on photos, but the photos I printed are two large (4x6) for the scrapbook I purchased. I think I'm going to have to start over. But I'm determined to start my Fresno book.

If my life was a television series, while I sometimes imagine it being relatively dramatic with plot twist and romantic connections (shit that only happens in my head, lets be real). Right now, I'm going to have to say it would be the most boring episode ever. For the first time in a while, all I have is money issues. No friend drama, no boy drama, no school stress, just broke. To increase my stress, I'm still going to disneyland next week, but mostly because I deserve fun before I work so much I will want to cry for three months. I almost initiated boy drama by contacting some older male I slept with last month because he looked like Cillian Murphy. But ugh no chemistry and not even close to being worth it.

Tomorrow is the release of movie series responsible for all my speeding tickets and I'm so excited. You clearly have no idea how happy I am to be going to see this film and I'm going alone because I realized that a lot of my friends in reality laugh way too loud and obnoxiously in theaters and I just want to hide in shame.

My recent weight loss has decreased my internet addiction but increased my shopping one. I love clothes so much and I just want to buy everything. To save myself from spending millions of dollars on clothes. I think I'm going to write about my choice selections on here so that I can express my love for clothing through writing and not through expense. The first image is a Dorothy Perkins Colorful maxi dress that I wish was in my closet. It's eighty dollars right now, but it's perfection. I wish I had someone to buy me such nice things. Ugh I would prostitute myself via Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman if I knew I could find a Richard Gere. I especially love the black fabric detail on the midriff area and bottom. The dress just screams fun summer.

On to weight loss, I've been very good. Going to the gym and staying for an hour each time either doing strength training. I'm down to a 10/12/14 (Vanity sizing people), but I've remained the same weight for the past two months. I'm still 190 pounds. I want to get to 189 at least, just to see that number for more than a day. Yet, I'm losing inches and that means something.This summer,while working, I'm going to be more dedicated than ever at reaching my goal.

I'm about to go to the gym for legs and abs strength training and thirty minute cardio. I'm really bad at jogging. I'm pushing to run constantly for a half a mile, which isn't a lot but its to break my mental block and to build my stamina.

Have a nice day folks!
Hopefully I'll have pics for this weekend. 
Current Mood: determineddetermined
20 May 2013 @ 03:03 pm
Today is the beginning of my last few months in Fresno. As I transition into a new life in San Francisco, I want to reflect on the life I've had here. The amount of changes I have made for myself. I want to create a scrapbook. After I go to the gym, I'm going to Michaels and starting to collect things I want in my scrapbook. I want to share the images and the memories, hoping it will influence me to work harder and to be a better person.

I have met some amazing people here and I thought along the way, I'd share the experiences with my tumblr followers, my livejournal. Anyone who will listen to me. I realized my need for attention online was because I so desperately push away my own thoughts and ideals in reality to make others happy or satisfied. Fresno has oddly enough brought out a side of me, I didn't know I had. I don't need to apologize to anyone. I'm me. Let me describe me.

I'm 24, originally from Milwaukee. I watch way too much television and care way too much about celebrity gossip. I go crazy over Joss Whedon television, but if you ask me other nerd references, I will look at you stupid because I seriously have no clue what you are talking about. I enjoy fashion, but I don't have the body type to pull off a lot of clothes I want to. I have gone from being a size 24 to a size 14/12 in the last year. I hate eating fruits and vegetables, but now I have transition myself to do it just because I want to be healthy. I won't lie to anyone, I'd rather be eating either a California Burrito or a Wendy's Baconator Burger. I was formerly engaged and sometimes I think about entering that relationship again because I'm lonely. I have a lot of crazy guy stories, but mostly I think its my delusional ass thinking everyones in love with me. Again, I watch way too much tv.

I contemplate always what my passions are because I'm absolutely fickle in my wants, needs, desires. I get over people, the way I do television shows. If you are a good series, I'll hang out with you and watch you all or listen to you all the time. If you are a bad show, that blows a lot of holes into plots and generally make me want to rage, I'll keep watching you because I feel compelled to originally, but eventually I will get sick of your shit and I will be done with you. I just compared people to television. Great.

Anyways, Day 1.

Stats: Majorly unhappy with my laziness and natural need to want to do nothing.
Netflix: Take this Waltz, Star Trek (episode 3, season 1) Fat Kid Rules the World, Pretty and Pink. (It's only three o clock here)
Exercise: None yet, Planned: Upper Body strength training, One hour of Zumba, as much jogging I can fit into my schedule before Zumba starts.
Current Mood: lazylazy
12 January 2012 @ 08:42 pm

I'm unsure how I feel about Klaus/Caroline. It came out of nowhere. It makes no sense. But I AM SO SHALLOW that their pretty is so hard not to appreciate. I fall flat on the floor for Joseph Morgan cheekbones so.....

The Stefan/Elena scene was so good. I was so afraid for Elena. I was happy that Stefan had a reason and had no intention of actually hurting/turning Elena but merely just wanted to scare Klaus. His obsession with Klaus is becoming too much though.

Damon, what was your point this episode? I can't remember. I used to love Damon so much but he has been lacking this season. It could be because I am so fascinated by EvilStefan.

Where the hell is Katherine?

Tyler/Caroline, you had so much potential but the writers do not care about you. They had a decent build up only to have you get together in the premiere and then forget about you by midseason.

Matt, I love you. I don't get how anyone can hate you. I loved him with every girl, he really is just a nice guy. I side eye people who call him abusive, I really don't see that at all.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST. Bonnie, just go lesbian. The writers don't care for you to have a decent male love interest. You are better off.

11 January 2012 @ 10:43 pm

Dair RamblingsCollapse )
Current Mood: amusedamused

Paul Rudd haters to the left. I think he is funny okay. That man has been my long lost lover since clueless. Any man who can make me forget that he is making out with his former step-sister deserves recognition. 

Should I watch Party Down on netflix? Never seen it but I heard some good things. 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
06 January 2012 @ 04:55 pm
I am definitely going to rant here more than I did on tumblr. 

So spoilers came out as well as a preview of Stefan forcing Elena to drink his blood. I know what the writers are trying to do. When Damon forced himself on Elena, a lot of people were negatively put off by it. Myself included. I associated it to rape, he  force himself on her and wanted to force her to be a vampire. It was the moment where I actively stopped shipping them. Plus all the dialogue in Season 2 between them was shit, Damon killed her brother, and well he just fucking sucked in season 2. I still believe they have their moments. One thing I liked is that Elena didn't forgive him or romanticize him for those actions. She has been romanticizing him a lot this year but he has been pretty decent compared to last year, so I get the love story. It's just not my style. The 12 year old who shipped Spike/Buffy would dig it, but not now. 

Now they are going to have Stefan someone who always on her side, force himself on her. I don't care if it's to protect her, he basically told Damon off for it last year. Plus they don't even have excuses for their behavior like in Buffy. Buffy had the concepts of good and bad with souls. TVD doesn't explore those notions, so now both Stefan and Damon are acting like utter douches, Elena caught in the middle of their shit because she looks like a woman who lived forever ago, and is only out to protect her family. I hate that fans of either Stefan/Damon sit and blame Elena. They both aren't open and honest with her. They both manipulate the shit out of her to "protect" her. One is clearly sweeter than the other, but now they are putting them on equal level and that is shit. Stefan/Damon deserve to be with each other for the rest of eternity because the only people they love is each other and Elena needs to run to wherever Jeremy is and find normalcy as a family. 
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
28 December 2011 @ 02:53 am
Natalie Portman (Emma) is wearing a onesie, clearly her character is amazing from the get-go. 
Ashton Kutcher has a big hand. 
Nick from NG  (ELI)is his best friend, I am already in love with this version more than Mila/Justin's version of the same movie. 
SHE TOOK HIM TO HER DADS FUNERAL. The poor guy has a yellow hoodie. He has no idea what to do. It's clear this woman hates him. 
He is working for Glee. OMG. 
His Dad and him are smoking pot, fantastic. 
His dad is fucking his ex. 
LUDACRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Insert my intense love for Ludacris since forever tbh) 
OH this is pathetic.... he wants to snuggle with the bush. 
MINDY KALING! OMG I LOVE THIS MOVIE FOR THE CAST ALONE. Even if she plays a one-night stand girl named Shira. She has a nice ass. I love her in the Office. He wants to tell her he respects her. LOL It's all a joke. He had sex with no one. "I just pulled a penis out a vitamin water yesterday."

Let me take a moment to appreciate the skumbag Ashton Kutcher's ass. OMG NATALIE'S character is fantastic. This movie is much more crass and it's believable because I can believe these people would be crass in real life. 

SEX! OMG YOU HAVE 45 secs to put shit together. 
"The height difference, we stand next to each other, it looks like he is kidnapping me."

BOO, here comes my dick. OMG THIS MOVIE IS SO GOOD. 

She 3D glassed his penis. I Love this movie so much. 

Ugh this doctor douche. 


Aww, the small moment where she recognizes the gesture of her opening the door as being so weird. 

She did Drew Barrymore. 


A threesome where you are not invited. "You look like a pumpkin bitch." We are not pumpkins, but you are so orange. 

Fuck they are cute. 

This movie is so crass about sex. We are fuck buddies. I love it. 

Awwww they are going out on a date. So fucking cute. LOL @ his plaid jacket right now tho.  He brought her carrots. She gave him a valentine's card that I adore. Cute!!!!!! Dude, its the first date. The girl clearly has commitment issues, SLOW IT DOWN FOOL. 

Bunch of melodrama when they should be together but aren't. 

Ugh I hate when shows emphasize bad timing. 

His dad obviously is dying at some point to prove that he is too old to bang a hot chick and give a great timing for them to get together. 

This ending is adorable. The man made her a period mixtape and dealt with her OTT commitment issues that are never really explained.

I sort of love these two. Aww it ended with the handholding. CUTE. I loved it. OMG HIS FATHER NEEDS TO STOP DATING HIS EXES. 
The ending was beautiful. The cuddling. Ugh I loved it so much more than Friends with Benefits, if only because I found it more humorous. 
Current Mood: happyhappy